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My first “big girl” job in advertising was a shock to my system. It was even more jarring that I was suddenly raising a dog by myself. I never had a family dog growing up, and I knew nothing about office culture. I felt like I was a kid surrounded by adults, except I wasn’t. Looking back, I should have taken everything so much more seriously. But how could I have known better?
It was isolating – and scary – suddenly being responsible for another life. I’d had pets before, but something about a dog running around my apartment made the responsibility feel so much more real. I cried so much in the first year of Katsu’s life, wondering if I had made a mistake. He was practically a stranger and it took a really long time before we fully understood each other.
Despite a big girl job, a full load of courses, and dog motherhood, my senior year of college was not void of indulgence. Adulthood meant doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted – and that notion was freeing. I genuinely thought I was so happy, so me.
I wrote so many songs. I shared them with people and played guitar every single day. I was way more outgoing. I went out every weekend. I dyed my hair blue for the first time. I got stupid tattoos. I kissed my friends. I was the manic pixie dream girl. I aired out my business for the world to see. I sold my face to a brand. I didn’t care what anyone thought because I didn’t have to.
What a privilege it was to be able to exist without consequence.
There were multiple times when things came crashing down and I found myself exactly where I started: sitting on the couch crying next to my dog. It’s humbling to go to bed thinking you know everything, only to wake up and realize you knew nothing at all. I had strayed so far from who I had known myself to be.
This playlist has been on repeat as I take on new challenges at work and in my personal life. It reminds me of a simpler time, of optimism, of self-love, of my dearest college friends, of nights at Lodge, of Katsu as a puppy, and of the many times I cried during my senior year. No matter how foolish I was, or how many mistakes I made, I never want to let go of that version of myself.
The unapologetic, almost naïve passion that I carry is so beyond dear to me. It’s what got me here, and what gets me through some of my harder days. I wish I could go back and tell myself it would all work out.
I’m beyond grateful for everyone who’s stuck around through multiple versions of me, and everyone who will remain in my life for the journey to come. I also hope my future self doesn’t think I’m dumb… although she probably will, and I think I’m okay with that.
TRACKLIST
SLICE OF THE WEEK
Supreme Pizza – Cosa Buona
Overall Rating: 9/10
Slightly soggy, yet flavorful. A hint of spice evened out by homemade ranch. The perfect pizza for celebrating a successful month in the desert and watching the new Fallout show, stuffing our face with so many carbs that we couldn’t move afterwards.
The Chopped Salad was to die for.
Slice O Fran 
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